It was many years ago. I was just a young pup of about 15 years of age. Working at the local zoo was a fun job for me. I was permitted to go behind the locked gates to mow the lawn and pick up trash. Not an especially glamourous job, but it came with some privileges and a name tag that made me look official. I distinctly remember an occasion when an even younger young man approached me to ask a question about one of the animals. He began his inquiry by addressing me as “Sir” and then went on to ask his question. I thought that addressing me as “sir” was an odd way to address a 15 year old lawn mowing trash collecting young man, but it was nice to feel respected.
Now fast forward with me to more current times. Recently I attended an event where I bumped into one of my colleagues, another physician who I hadn’t seen for many years. It was fun to catch up a little bit. In the course of our brief conversation I noted that I am rarely called “doctor” anymore since I retired from active psychiatric practice. The honorific I hear most often nowadays is “grampio,” bestowed on me by a couple of cute little ones, and that is a prized title.
I’ve learned that with different titles there are different levels of authority. As a physician, when I issue “Doctor’s orders” I expect that there will be some change of behavior on the part of the person receiving those orders (although I realize that that may not always happen). If I order a specific medication or a specific test I have much confidence that those things will actually happen. However, when issuing “grandpa’s orders” I’ve learned that things may not always go as hoped. Same is true when issuing “dad’s orders” or “husband’s orders.” Uh, yea, I suggest much caution and hesitation before issuing “husband’s orders” if ever, and understand that the outcome of such orders may not be to your liking. Anyway, the point is that things are different as a retired physician, and that’s ok.
This exchange with my physician colleague got me thinking about all of the various titles of distinction and honorifics that folks reach for. Titles such as “your honor,” “counselor,” “doctor,” “professor,” “ambassador,” “commissioner,” “chief,” “pilot in command,” “captain,” “chairman,” “boss,” “foreman,” “sir” – these are all significant titles of distinction and they generally are accompanied by respect and authority, rightfully so.
There are other titles of distinction which have a different character. These titles are more enduring, even permanent, and they are deserving of respect as well. The authority that accompanies these titles is the byproduct of love, loyalty, and kindness rather than compulsion. And that authority must be accompanied by patience and devotion. I’ve already referred to one such title of distinction – “Grandpa.” Other similar titles include grandma, mom, dad, sister, brother, husband, wife, son, daughter, grandson, and granddaughter, cousin, and friend. There may be more I skipped over. These are titles that come to us in the course of life. Some of them are automatic, such as being part of a family. Others are pursued (e.g. pursuing your spouse), and others happen in the course of time, such as grandpa.
I have some vague memories of the first time someone called me “Doctor.” That was satisfying even though I didn’t feel quite ready to accept all of the responsibility that goes with that title. I have a more clear memory of the first time I was called “grandpa” since it was more recent, and more impactful. I didn’t feel quite ready to accept all the responsibility that goes with that title either, but it did feel good. Even though I didn’t feel quite ready to be a grandfather, when my grandson first uttered the word “grandpa” (or something close to it) I was hooked. That title resonated deeply within me, and I had a sense that that title, unlike so many other titles, would never be obsolete or retired.
In life we strive for things – we strive for accomplishments, we strive for comfort, we strive for recognition, and we may strive for titles of distinction. I think these are worthy and worthwhile endeavors. However, there are other milestones in life that ultimately are more enduring and more satisfying to our souls than the transient titles and accomplishments of life. Those other milestones include titles such as wife, husband, mom, dad, grandpa, and grandma. Please don’t forget or neglect the far reaching and enduring opportunities that come with these titles.